Goodbye is never easy... The lump in your throat. The ache in your heart. The bloodshot eyes from all the tears. The feeling like you're drowning and can't get a good grasp of air. Honestly, it gets increasingly difficult the more frequently we have to say goodbye. This is deployment #4 for us, but our first in the Navy and our first with children.
I didn't comprehend though how much it'd hurt my heart to watch my children say goodbye to Daddy. It was an absolute mess. Gut-wrenching.
We enjoyed our day with relative normalcy. Pancake breakfast. Went to sushi for lunch. Had a nice spaghetti dinner. Then the time came... The time to say goodbye.
Arthur first put Gideon down for bed. It was so emotional to know the next time he embraces our sweet baby boy he'll likely be walking and talking and a whole different little fella.
We took our time with our sweet girl. She had a fancy bubble bath. And then we did goodnight family prayers. The waterworks began as we asked Jesus to strengthen us, protect us and bind our hearts together. Then Arthur took Giana to bed. They cuddled, talked, and even giggled. Then they cried and embraced. I could tell Arthur ran out of words. He sang instead
"Bless the Lord oh my soul
Oh my soul
Worship His holy name.
Sing like never before
Oh my soul
I'll worship your holy name."
His voice cracked. I stood silently in the hallway with tears streaming down my face begging God for grace and strength. They said goodbye. Arthur walked out of her room and into our room. He closed the door and sobbed.
I tucked Giana in to calm her down. It was God's grace that allowed me to remain calm, quiet and peaceful. We talked. We commiserated. We prayed again. I tucked her in and she was peaceful. She fell asleep without tears, thank God.
The remaining hours whizzed by before he left our home. We talked. We laughed. We dreamt. We cried. He held me as I drifted asleep on the couch in the wee morning hours, awaiting the dreaded time he had to leave. I felt safe. Complete. And yet I was full of apprehension and sorrow.
He put his bags on the porch. We embraced. We kissed goodbye. And then he realized his ride was running late. He came inside. He hid sweet nothing notes around the house for the children and I to find. We waited, mostly in silence for there were no words to communicate our loathing of the coming moments and days and months. He'll miss the rest of this YEAR.
And the red car pulled up. His comrade came to whisk him away. We hugged and cried. We held our breath so we didn't fall apart. We kissed. We said I love you. And he left. Loaded the bags. Closed the car door. They pulled away. And I stood in the foyer in partial disbelief. It's here. Deployment has arrived.
I fell asleep due to pure emotional exhaustion. Morning came fast. I was greeted by a beautiful bouquet of lillies opening up on the breakfast nook table. The children awoke. We went about our normal routines, preparing for church service. Giana found some notes tucked here and there. Even in his absence Arthur cares for us in his steadfast ways.
Church was sweet. We watched 5 people journey through the waters of baptism. I was reminded that this journey began with a call for. God to serve the hurting people in the Armed Forces. And today it was more real. The sacrifice that always accompanies unconditional love. We obey God knowing He has a purpose. Arthur is gone ministering as a Chaplain to our Marines for a reason.
I worshipped God without reservation. I lifted my hands and tears fell. He's so near when you're broken-hearted. We went home afterward. Gideon napped well. Giana and I shared lunch. We went on a walk when the baby awoke. We played in the sunshine. We made a deployment bucket list. We called Great Grams. We enjoyed the quiet of Sunday. We ate dinner. We bathed. We read. We said prayers and kisses.
Just 289 more days to go... And I'm sure by the end we'll understand in part why we must endure such pain. But in the midst of it we know Jesus is beside us. Just like He is beside you.
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